I’ve been giving a lot of thought lately to the lies I tell myself. This behavior has become habitual and automatic. If left unchecked and accepted without question, these lies are often harmful and addictive and muck up my daily round, leaving me sad, frustrated and generally unhappy. Here are a few examples:
I can’t go to yoga tonight because my back hurts, I didn’t drink enough fluids today, my favorite pants aren’t clean (insert many more reasons here).
I’m fat and ugly and wrinkly and old (insert other yucky descriptives here).
My son doesn’t appreciate me.
My husband doesn’t pay attention to me.
My dogs only like me because I feed them.
I’ll never get out of debt.
My business is going to fail.
Are you getting the picture? It’s painful to write these things down....but I have to admit that I’ve had all of these thoughts (some of them OFTEN), as unattractive as they may be. Are they true? They are if I LET them be....if I give them space in my mind to take root, fester and grow.
A few years back, a friend turned me on to the work of Eckhart Tolle, spiritual teacher and author of The Power of Now and A New Earth. Tolle’s advice is simple: learn to ignore your ego. Applying his advice? I’ve been working on THAT for years. Ignoring my ego has first involved becoming aware of it and how it is affecting the quality of my life. By “ego,” Tolle means that little (or not so little...) voice inside your head that is constantly feeding you judgmental messages about everyone and everything. Tolle teaches that being present in the “now” helps you build awareness of your ego. As I have increased my ability to be present and aware, I have begun to notice how my ego is working against me.
I’m sure that one’s ego is helpful in some ways, but mostly I’ve found that my ego is NOT my friend. It’s always seeking to inflate or deflate me. I’ve found it very helpful to practice mindful presence as a way of quieting the voice of my ego, taking away its power and reclaiming my own. I’ve really had to come to an understanding that my ego is separate from the true essence of who I am. It’s so easy to believe that my ego is “me”....but it’s not. I am the observer. The ego is a voice, most often negative, that wants to steal my peace. The ego seeks to attach meaning to everything happening around me, usually negative or judgmental. He or she is bad....this or that is painful.... I am learning to question those ego messages and toss them out as often as possible. I’ve been totally amazed and blown away by just how toxic my thoughts are!
Noticing....that’s the first step. Questioning...that’s the second step. Banishing...that’s the third step. Here’s an example from this morning: It is really cold outside...subzero. My ego has been tossing up all sorts of negative statements about this and about how hard my day’s going to be, working outside. I’ve been noticing all of these statements....hmmmm.... And as I’ve spent time outside, I’ve realized that it’s not so bad. I’ve got a down jacket, a warm hat, excellent boots. It’s true that it’s cold, but it’s not so true that I’m miserable outside. In fact, I’ve picked up my shovel and gotten busy...and that’s helped me to stay toasty inside my fine winter duds. Perfect! I’ve quieted those negative thoughts that easily could’ve led me into a very negative mood. Ta-da! It’s that simple.
But, if it’s THAT simple, why am I still struggling every single day to keep my ego in check? Old habits are hard to break and die hard. It’s like any other addiction. Recovery happens one step at a time, and in this case, one thought at a time. And, oh my! There are SO many thoughts coming at me. Some days, I need an imaginary fly swatter to whack them all! And....it’s also really challenging to stay “present” all the time. I forget. I get lazy. And before I know it, I’m all negative and unhappy again because those tapes just keep playing those old songs on and on and on.
It’s wonderful to be able to start again and to immediately see the benefits of the work. The quality of my relationships with my husband, son, customers...all improve when I stay present and calm and clear-minded. There’s a freshness, an honesty, a vulnerability that is wonderful to experience. I remind myself that THIS is who I am and who I want to share. Totally worth the effort! Take a peek at the work of Eckhart Tolle. If the time is right, you will understand his message and begin the work.... Being in the Now is a powerful thing! Just for today, I’m going to try watering the flowers...instead of the weeds.
