Yesterday in yoga class, I had an “aha moment.” I know you’re not supposed to THINK about other stuff during practice, but being totally out of practice, some thoughts seeped in. I was thinking about how truly dumb I’d been for NOT finding my way to my mat for about four weeks. And then I kept seeing the word CAN’T in my head. I focused in on the N and the T and realized how terrible they are for each other. I mean....can you think of a single word where there’s not a negative connotation when these two squeeze themselves together? Can’t, won’t shouldn’t, don’t. See what I mean?
And isn’t it also really interesting that together, they form a CONTRACTION. So that was the beginning of
my aha moment. I realized that whenever I give in to the “N’T” my life contracts as well. My muscles begin to tighten up, stress begins to turn my serene face into a scowl. I become less open to possibilities, to joy, to love whenever I turn away from my practice. And somehow, the path away from yoga always seems to involve the relationship of the N to the T. It works like this: I caN’T go to yoga....I’m too busy. I didN’T eat/drink the right stuff during my day to be able to handle a yoga class tonight. I woN’T survive the heat. I shouldN’T leave my dogs home alone. What a bad set of lovers, N and T. Whenever these two get together (and they are like magnet and steel),
bad shit happens. We can all relate, right? I mean, who among us hasn’t had a relationship like this with another human being? You know s/he’s wrong for you, yet you keep feeling the pull and before you know it, BAM! you’re back in it, even though it’s harmful/hurtful/all wrong for you.
That’s why you and I need to work as hard as we can to keep N and T apart!! They are never good for each other! And when they squeeze together with that little bit of punctuation between them, we lose and we lose and we lose.
So, just for today....I am going to practice caN Too instead of caN’T. Whenever I think I can’t, I’m going to replace that with a can too! I’m gonna keep those two lovers apart. It’s better....a lot better....than when I let that T backslide and shimmy his way back over to N, resulting in a caN’T ooooooo (ouch) instead of a can too!!
Maybe it’s crazy or maybe it’s brilliant....but just for today, this new way of thinking might save me from missing out on something so wonderful for my body, my spirit, my mind. YES....it’s difficult. YES.....it hurts sometimes. YES....it takes time out of your day/night. But YES....it’s so worth the effort. Let’s E-X-P-A-N-D instead of contract. The hardest part is making it to your mat. I can do it....and you caN Toooooooo. Namaste.
