Just before Thanksgiving, my world was shaken by death and illness. A beloved grandmother, 87 years old, passed quietly....a beautiful life coming to a close as is natural and expected. Kay Cullenberg was the mother of 13 and grandmother of 33, every one of whom truly believed he or she was the favorite.
A customer and friend (they are ALL friends...), just 47 years old, passed quietly in her sleep, surprising and stunning those who loved and cared for her. Lynn Watson Potter posted a daily note on her Facebook page, sharing with us what she was grateful for....oftentimes naming something as simple as her warm bed.
A mother (my own) struggled in the grip of powerful pain, took to her bed, tearful and afraid. Valerie Conaway suffered quietly, unable to eat, losing 20 pounds, yet unwilling to seek medical attention because she is without health insurance.
A long-distance writing pal, the active mother of three, gave up both breasts, surrendering them to breast cancer in exchange for her life. Betsy Voreacos struggled with feelings of guilt over opting for the more drastic and invasive double mastectomy when a lumpectomy may have been enough to stop the cancer’s spread.
All of these endings and challenges others are experiencing, understandably, have caused me to take stock. How have I lived? HAVE I lived, truly? And...if I haven’t lived, what the heck am I waiting for?
Christmas is now barking at our heels and I’m wondering if I will, once again, fall into step with most of the modern world and spend money I don’t have to purchase presents the recipients may or may not need or desire. Is there a way to express my love and appreciation for family and friends other than this? Am I brave enough to let go and try something new?
Lynn died without life insurance. My own mother has no health insurance!! My friend lost her breasts.
I want to be kinder, gentler....with my children, my husband, my dogs and my friends.
I want to know how others are suffering and how I can help.
I want my children and family to remember me after I go as a person who cared and dared.
In the short-term, I may anger my children...who have grown accustomed to having everything they could ever want, wrapped up and shiny under the tree. In a larger sense, though, I would be leading by example. Maybe someday my son and my stepkids will say, “She taught me to look beyond myself” or “She understood what was most important in life.”
Isn’t it true that we are each writing our own obituary every day of our lives? Doing what feels right and good in the deepest part of your soul may leave you out on a limb. There are always risks....always consequences...with the important decisions we make as we move through life. This holiday season, and hopefully well beyond it, I am challenging myself to do what my soul requires, leading with my heart.
My friend Lynn taught me to be grateful for the little things.
My son’s Grammie taught me to shower each person I love with real attention.
My mother, in her quiet suffering, is teaching me to pay closer attention to the silences of others...to check in and ask what’s wrong, what’s needed, how I can help.
My pal Betsy is teaching me to put myself first when it really matters, guilt be damned.
I feel so full and so blessed to be awake enough, present enough, to receive their gifts. I want to help. I want to give back and pay forward. I want to live fully every single day. After all....we just don’t know how or when each of our stories will come to a close. Today, I just might lead with my heart and turn the corner onto a road less traveled, hoping it will, indeed, make all the difference.
So touching and true Julie. Thank you for the reminder that we so sadly but often need that life is precious and short and worth giving a real, genuine heartfelt effort to what is important. xo
ReplyDeleteLast holiday season (2009), my Mother died in October and my Dad followed 7 weeks later... the week before Christmas. We spent the summer, fall and early winter taking care of them, their home, their dog and their responsibilities. There was no time for addressing and mailing holiday cards,
ReplyDeleteshopping for gifts, baking and candy making. We didn't have the energy or desire to celebrate in our usual traditional style.
But we did celebrate and honor the lives of these two people who had been mother, father, sister, brother, grandma and grandpa. My brother and I sifted through old family pictures
to select the ones we wanted to display at visiting ours. Wow! What a gift those memories were. We visited with family and friends, whom we hadn't seen for years. We met friends and co-workers of my Dad, and heard about his life as a teacher and an administrator. We took the money that we would have spent on Christmas gifts and started a scholarship in his name. It was a gift to present it to a very special student whom my father would have handpicked himself.
This year, we are trying to add back some of our traditions from years past, but we are ever mindful that the most cherished gifts come from friendship, love and time well spent.